My Humanity


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It seems more of my days could be categorized as messy than not. I easily give in to stress and work and distractions. As a result, I wander from truth, and life, and peace. My time is spent on good activities, but activities which are not driven by purpose. And although I spend time with God, I give him the leftovers of my struggle against the twenty-four hours in each day.

Today, the struggle was especially grueling.

After an exhausting week of back-to-school madness, I traveled to work around eleven this morning, and faced fast-food fury. I left forty minutes after the inferred end of my shift. I hurried home, ate a late lunch, and left again, only to work (for pay) in flower beds for another two hours. I was especially fatigued due to a small sinus infection.

As I traveled from place to place, Rend Collective played in my stereo.

With a weary mind, I listened to the joyful songs. And I asked God if it was possible to be bright when I did not feel like smiling. Is it possible, God, to rise like an angel when I feel so exhausted? Is it possible to be radiant for you everyday? Although I wasn’t sure how, I had to believe He wanted to use the days in which I felt so disabled to make His light shine all the more in me. 

As I said good night at the end of this day, He met me.

I read today’s entry of Jesus Calling (which is a great devotional, by the way). And it said,

“Doing countless unnecessary activities will dissipate your energy. When you spend time with Me, I restore your sense of direction. As you look to Me for guidance, I enable you to do less, but accomplish more.

With these words, I realized God’s peace–much like His joy–lives outside the limits of circumstance. Instead, it is found in Him and in His presence alone. There is no way to attain the necessary energy–capacity to do work–outside of Him. And so as I struggle through each day, His presence is what will give me life, and strength, and purpose. This purpose will give me direction, and I will work with joy–and peace–through and in and for Christ.

My place of employment came to mind tonight.

I do not particularly like the fast food industry for many reasons, especially because it fosters a stressful environment. In order to pursue a job better suited to me, I recently handed in my two-week notice. It was made evident by a few people that I would be greatly missed.

I do not think this is insignificant.

In a place I did not want to be, God shined in me. I’m thankful that perhaps He was able to reveal something of Himself to those I worked with, not through my strength, but through His presence in me.

And so I trust Him. I trust Him to give purpose to my messy days. I trust Him to make something of me when I don’t feel like shining. I trust Him to be bigger than my humanity.

Trust in the Lord and do good.
Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.
Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you your heart’s desires.
Commit everything you do to the Lord.
Trust him, and he will help you.
He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn,
and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.
Psalm 37:3-6
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