Its Time to Trust


I am a child, caught in a bubble. The only thing I understand is the concept of self. I live for me, to fulfill the selfish desires of my selfish self. What will happen when I open my eyes to see that there are people in this world besides just this one? Will I run and hide, trying to create a place where there is only me again? Will I become lost in a sea of people who know nothing about me, or will I instead try to learn something about them? What happens when I meet a person who knows us all, and loves us even after that? Will I be changed or come out the same?

When I step out of this bubble in which I am at the center, what will happen to my life? Will I lose it? Just maybe. What will that be like? I think it will be painful, but maybe I’ll be more complete on the other side. I think casting it off will be the hardest part, in which I would be breaking out of a mold that everyone else tells me is okay. It’s the mold  that says I’m the only one that matters in this world. There is no one else. There is only me, and I’m the person that every part of life revolves around.

What happens when this bubble bursts, and I begin to hear the cries of a child left alone in the mud? Will I search for him, or will I block him out? Suppose I decide to find him, just to see what’s happening. When I find him, will I only take a peek and be filled with pity at his suffering, or will I be moved to compassion and therefore, action? Will I walk on by, or will I share what I have been given?

If I chose to stop, to lend a hand, to get a little dirty, I would find that my bubble wasn’t so great. Having my arms filled with a dozen little bodies that crave love and affection would be, oh, so much better. Yeah, I might lose a little bit of myself, but I would find something too. I would find my heart.

The only problem is, I’m a little scared. I’ve never know life away from my bubble. At that point, everything would be different. And I don’t like change very much. I would have to relearn how every part of life works. I would be a child again. I’ve been struggling with this for awhile, but I’m thinking this would be so bad. I might be weak in and of myself and I might not be able to overcome these demons that I face, but I had a  huge  God on my side. He knows what to do, and he’s holding my life. I think its time to trust him.

Then, calling the crowd, to join his disciples, Jesus said, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will find it.” –Mark 8: 34 &35

-CJ

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