Ever since I wrote Truly My Best Friend, Jesus has really started to change me, as I said in my last blog. He is not finished with me yet; not by any stretch of the imagination.
This past week, and maybe even the week before that, I struggled greatly. I just didn’t care. I was flippant with God and I pushed Him in a closet. I didn’t really forget about Him; I just had better things to do than dig Him out again. Because of the distance I put between us, I felt like I couldn’t come to Him and say anything. That worried me. By the end of the week, however, I started falling apart. I was breaking inside, all the while trying to hold it together for show. I was hollow and empty. I needed desperately to be renewed. I tried praying and reading my Bible, but the feelings never left.
On Sunday morning, I felt the same way, but I was filled with this one small hope: the message in youth was going to be for me. Somehow, I just knew that God had a plan for me then and He was going to change things. And boy did He.
The message was titled, “W ho Am I?” I can’t really explain why it was so special, but it was. The one thing I do remember was Chad talking about God’s unconditional love and how He loves us constantly, even after we mess up. After it was over, I talked wit h Chad and Amy and they helped me see things that I have been struggling with for a long time. They shared with me and I shared with them; I cried and i was transformed. I am so very grateful for them; they have helped so much.
A fire was ignited in me right then; a deep passion burned in my heart. I can’t even describe it re ally; it’s just there. My eyes are totally fixed on Jesus Christ alone because of w hat He has done in my life. And it is the greatest feeling in this world. Once again, Psalm 18 come s back to me. This time, however, it is a different passage, a different thought that so captures my attention. This sums everything up and describes me perfectly now:
God made my life when I placed all the pieces before Him. When I got my act together, He gave me a fresh start. Now I am alert to His ways; I don’t take Him for granted. Everyday I review the ways God works; I try not to miss a trick. I feel put back together and I’m watching my step. God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to His eyes.
Psalm 18:20-24 (The Message)
God isn’t done with me yet; by no stretch of the imagination, but I am so excited to keep walking with Him and see where He leads me.
I love you, Jesus.