05/16/2012 New Truly My Best Friend
Psalm 18:1, 2
I love you, Lord; you are my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.
I think this just might be my favorite passage in the Bible right now.
It really comforts me because I know that in and of myself, I will never get it all right. I will mess up. I will fail. I will fall down. I will be crushed. I will get hurt. But, though I fail and though the waters roar all around, God is there for me. No matter how mighty the storm is, and no matter how many times I fail Him, Jesus Christ will always be there for me.
I can’t say that about anyone else. I can’t be sure that they will always stick around, that they will be there when I need help. I can’t say that if I fail them, treat them wrong, and screw them up, that they are still going to be my friend and love me anyway.
Yet God does this for me each and everyday. He loves me, even when I don’t love Him. He loves me, when I just can’t take life anymore and I run away from Him. He will love me, when I don’t do as He says and as He calls me to.
When I can trust no one in this world; when everything is spinning out of control; when life just isn’t going as plan; when the road gets tough, God will be there.
When I have no more strength, when the battle rages, when my life is crushed, God will be there and He will save me.
Nothing can assure me like that does. And no one will be beside me like He will. And no one can ultimately be the best friend that I need besides Jesus Christ.
Thank You, Jesus. Thank You for putting up with me, or rather, loving me, even now after I have done so many things against You and Your Word. Thank You, for being here with me constantly and for loving me anyway.
I love you, Lord; you are my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me and my place of safety.
-CJ
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Tags: commitment, crazy love, friends, God, help, life, Love, my life, storms, strength
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05/11/2012 My House
My house sits here like any other ordinary home. Yet, is any home ordinary? I think not. Every one of them is as unique as the people inside. I don’t talk of the stuff they have, either. Each one has it’s own special story of things that it has gone through, things that it has seen, children it has watch grow up. . .
Ours was a home, not like most, in fact. From the outside, it does look like any other around, but (I always laugh when I here this) Mom and Dad picked it out of a catalog.
Yes, it is in fact, a mobile home. That just might be the worst thing about it, aside from it sitting on 3 acres that I must mow every week. When the storms come, I feel so unsafe, especially after coming back from Alabama.
This house is the one that I have lived in all of my life. Mom and Dad brought me home to it, as well as the other 3 kids. It has watched me grow up into the young girl that I am. It watched as I took my first steps, said my first words, and grew to be a little toddler. From there, it beheld me as I wailed over school, (which I still do today) as I told my mom that I didn’t believe in doing math anymore, even if it meant she had to go to prison.
It kept on going, long after Ciara decided she liked to write on it’s walls, after we squirted paint on the ceiling, and after I decided to hang up every paper that inspired me on my wall by way of tape and pins. (The boys never really wanted to have great fun and play games on the walls I don’t think.)
And then it saw me as I grew up from there, finding friends, and growing closer with
the people that I love. It watched as my friends and I had sleepovers, while creating the best of memories. It watched as we put too much blush on our cheeks, endured the fandom of movies, and made beautiful messes. It watched as we grew together, year after year, until we were inseparable.
And then, it watched as I fell apart, and had to endure the troubles of this life. It saw my tears and beheld my shame. And then it saw me, as I truly found God, because of my hard times. It sees me 
now, as I try to get better, to follow Jesus, and to act like he does.
It saw my secret letters, my deepest desires, and all of my thoughts. It saw them like no one else ever did. And it saw me, as I found who I truly was in the sight of God and the people of this world.
It watched me, as I found my calling in life, and as my love for orphans grew. It sees my efforts to try and raise enough money to see them soon. It sees as I live for Jesus as much as I can, as it is that I am human.
That is my house, and parts of my story. I hope you enjoyed it, although it was somewhat long.
-CJ
Tags: family, friends, home, house, life, memories, moving, my life, thoughts
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04/28/2012 Fear Not
Today was my first mission trip fundraiser. I must confess, this morning I was extremely worried about it all. Why? Well, (1. The weather was suppose to be bad. In the 40s and rainy. Not very good for a fundraiser which is outdoors. (2. This was my first try at something like this. I was afraid I would be in the red and not able to make what I put into it. (3. I can’t really tell you why else. I was just afraid I didn’t have my ducks in a row and I wouldn’t sell anything at all.
I spent four hours there and made a fairly decent amount of money. The only problem was that I didn’t get rid of my scarves, which is what I mainly wanted to sell. Not one. Everything I sold was donated to me for the use of selling, and that didn’t make me feel very good. Needless to say, I cried more than once today.
All week, God has been trying to teach me to “Fear Not.” Last Saturday, I was having a problem with trusting my friends, due to past experiences. it’s been really hard. Just when I needed Him, he gave me this verse “Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of your widowhood.” (Isaiah 54:4) Well, obviously, I’m not a widow, but I did do some shameful things in past relationships that I regret. Now I know I can move on and change the way I do things now because of the failure of them before. I still have trouble with my friends; things still don’t go as I plan, but it’s going to be okay. Jesus is my Best Friend now.
And then today, when I was so very worried, upset, and fearful, I read this in Psalm 118, “In my distress I prayed to the Lord and the Lord answered me and set me free. The Lord is for me, so I will have no fear.” It goes on and says some pretty cool stuff, but that spoke to me the most. Regardless of how much it seems like I’m going to fail, God has got me right where He needs me. He is going to supply my every need even if He uses a different method than what I wanted Him to use.
Help me, dear Lord. Keep teaching me. Please.
-C.J.
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Tags: fear, fears, friends, fundrasiers, God, Jesus, making money, mission trip, missions, mistakes, Relationships, trust, worries
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04/07/2012 I’ve Been Nominated!
I have been nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award!! Thank you Anna Rae for nominating me!
The Rules for this award are as follows:
- Nominate 15 fellow bloggers who are relatively new to blogging (or whose blogs you enjoy most).
- Let them know that you have nominated them.
- Share 7 random facts about yourself.
- Thank the blogger(s) who nominated you.
- Add the Versatile Blogger Award picture to your blog post.
7 Random Facts About Me:
1. I love watching children play
2. I wrote an article after coming back from a mission trip and it got published in our town’s newspaper (I was pretty pumped)
3. I played in the rain with my uncle and cousins on the street
4. I hate football
5. I spelled my name completely backwards on a white board when I was little due to my left-handedness(:
6. I broke my tooth in Kroger’s parking lot because I was wearing Heely’s (the shoes with wheels)
7. I dread babysitting sometimes, but that’s all I want to do when I grow up.
Blogs I Nominate:
5.Anna Rae
7.GYAtoday
12. A Clearer Mirror
14. Just Everyday Me
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03/24/2012 Worthless
Yes, everything is worthless compared to the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus, my Lord.
-Philippians 3:8a
Wow. What more can I say?
There is a little story behind this, though. I tried writing this Thursday, and when I got it done, I pushed delete instead of publish. It made me so mad cause it was a really good blog too. And then yesterday we went shopping. I really needed some shorts and shoes so we went thrifting first and when we couldn’t find anything, we went to T.J. Maxx. They had absolutely no shorts there, but a ton of really cute shoes. And I found the perfect ones which fit my unusually large feet and were what I was looking for in style. Then I looked at the price tag.
Now one thing you must understand about me is that I’m picky about what I wear. Don’t ask me why; I just am and really wish I weren’t. But I am, so when I mean these were the perfect shoes, they were the PERFECT shoes. And they would match all of my outfits. One other thing to also note is that rarely do I find a pair of shoes that I love and are in my size. And that aren’t too expensive, but usually that isn’t a problem. Except yesterday.
Immediately, tears welled up in my eyes (I’m not joking!) and my whole day was suddenly ruined. Then Mom said to me, “What about those kids of yours? Do you think they get the shoes they want all the time?” I looked down at my wore-out flip-flops. Yes, she was right. Actually, many of them wore things like the rubber sandals I had on my feet then. Or maybe no shoes at all.
I thought of the verse I quoted at the beginning, knowing that their lives were much more important than any old pair of shoes, even the perfect ones.
All through the day, it just rang in my head, and I felt ashamed. I wanted Jesus to be enough, and me not to long for the latest trends and cutest fashions. I wanted Jesus to be my everything. I knew in my heart that I longed for more than just him, and it hurt me to think so.
I once thought that these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. Yes, everything is worthless compared to the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus, my Lord. For his sake, I discard everything, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him.
-Philippians 3:7-9a
EVERYTHING is worthless. Everything. Jesus is all that matters. Why don’t we try and live like that?
-C.J.
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Tags: 2012, Christianity, Fashion, God, Jesus, journal, life, my kids, my life, Orphans, people, personal, shoes, spirituality, thoughts, trends, world
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03/13/2012 Beautiful Breeze
The breeze floats through the air and into my room through the open window. I take it all in; the clear blue sky, the birds singing a sweet melody, the flowers poking up from the muddy ground.
The grass is partly green, a lush, vivid color, a joy to my sight. The rest that isn’t green is a soft brown-yellow color and is situated in patches around the yard. The mulch in the flower bed is a faded brown and has white pieces mixed in from the sun’s rays sucking the life from the fertile substance.
The deck steps poking out from the side are still a deep chocolate brown color, matching the shutters on our house. At the bottom of the case of stairs is the sidewalk, a nice beige-brown color. The imprint on the concrete is made up of boxes and squares. The texture is rough and jagged at places, but gives the concrete a very natural look to it. There is a gap between the house and steps and squished into the tiny space is a rose bush, still lifeless from the long winter. It looks much too large for the tiny space, and is growing out and into the steps. It is pressing against the house as well.
The sun filters through the clouds, shining down when aloud and casting shadows across the countryside. The clouds are piled high, some looking like mountains and others like pillows and animals. The breeze is so fresh and clean, filling my room with a sweet aroma as music plays in the background.
I wrap my arms around my long legs which are propped up on the window sill. I close my eye and breath in, letting it out slowly. Such an epic feel, a most blessed season of life, when everything is made new. I think of my mom and her work of refreshing ladies. She is planning for an event as I write. SHe wants the ladies to take a breath, a moment in time, and smell the air and watch the birds and feel the sun. I only hope she takes a moment, as I am now, and enjoys the sun and birds, and wind in her face.
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03/03/2012 Dark Memories
Seeing all this stuff on the news about the 9 states that had tornadoes last night just makes me want to cry. It reminds me so much of when I went to Alabama in May of 2011 to help clean up after the 4.19.11 tornado that left 180 miles of ruin.
Like a lot of other people, I heard tornado sirens last night. I was with my grandma and six of my siblings and cousins. We were in the middle of dishing out dinner when I noticed the buzzing and yelled for everyone to go down stairs. when I went through the kitchen with plates and cups in my hands, I looked at the counters and saw the mass of plastic containers sitting at random. My heart thumped in my chest at in that moment so hard I could feel it on my skin. To you, this may sound ridiculous, but if you were apart of the twenty that accompanied me to Alabama, you would understand why. Most you would remember the one ‘house’ we saw. The whole front of the house was ripped off, laying in the front lawn, I assume, since there was piles of rubble laying there. You could look into the closet and see the clothes still hanging and the weathered coach sitting aloof in the middle of a once-spacious living room. And then to the right of the couch was the kitchen. Sitting on the table, just as they had been left, were plastic containers and pop cans. Nothing had touched them, yet the whole house had no outside walls.
(This isn’t the best picture, but the closet is on the left and you can see the top of the couch on the far right.)
When I saw those containers sitting on the counter, it brought everything back. The instant I saw the destruction, the moments afterward when I still couldn’t speak, meeting the people I did, growing with the people I already knew, seeing the heartache on the victims’ faces, the joy on the other Christian victims at seeing us, the smell of everyone at the end of the week (especially Chad
), of finding a tattered and torn Bible amidst the rubble, of hearing the most bizarre stories of some of the survivors, of not ever wanting to leave such a ragged and torn place. It’s in scripted in my heart now, and I know I can never part from such a memory.
Right now, all I want to do is go back.
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Tags: adventures, Alabame, around the world, disaster, God, journal, life, media, memories, my life, prayer, servanthood, serving
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02/21/2012 Helping the Unhelped
James 1:27 Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for the orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.
Wow. Okay, to sum up my entire life (what I want it to be and am working towards) you need only read that verse. In January of 2013, I will be doing just so. I am going to Moldova with Philip Cameron to the Stella’s Houses and to other orphanages. For the past week or so, I have been so excited I can’t hardly wait!
all I want to do in life is to help those children who are so precious to God, so close to His heart. Now that He has opened my eyes to these precious gems, they are so very close to my heart as they are His. All I want to do is to hug them and hold them, to show them love and to give them a new life. I honestly have no clue where it is God is going to send me. I think it will be overseas,
but I’m still not sure. God really hasn’t revealed to me anything about my kids, but my love for them has grown so much since He opened my eyes to them sometime last year.
For the past week, I have been doing nothing but coming up with ways to make money for my trip. I am going to have a table at the YMCA in Chillicothe on April 29 from 9am-3pm. I am making all sorts of women’s accessories if you would like to come check it out and help me make my way to Moldova. Mom has scheduled all this week off of school so I have been doing nothing but creating things out of t-shirts to sell there. I have also been babysitting kids to gain money too, which I think is cool because I am already doing what I love to do, and what I am working towards doing. So I get to practice, but make money to go to Moldova all at the same time.
God is really opening up my life to these kids, and I am praying for more ways to work in their lives.
Please pray for me as I raise funds and plan to leave. And pray that I will have lots of more opportunities after this to reach into these kids’ lives, even here in the states. Thank you.
-C.J.
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Tags: family, God, Jesus, life, Love, missions, my future, my life, Orphans, people, the world around
02/03/2012 Love
When love takes shape, you know it. It’s deep; it’s thorough; it never really leaves. Love is so much more than a feeling; it’s an action; it’s a group of actions; it’s a life long commitment. When you really love someone, you pray for them daily, think of them always, and you never ever leave their side, no matter the circumstance.
Because of your love for one person, you can automatically love someone else, without even meeting them in person. When you love someone, you care for them, through thick and thin, through trial and triumph, through all the seasons of life.
When you act out of love, you feel full and alive. You feel as if you can’t quite; that it’s too good a feeling to just dismiss with one dose. It is the gift that you can never have enough of, and that you can’t give enough.
Love is unique. It’s not the same as other feelings. When you feel loved, you feel full, complete, like you actually mean something,
that you have a real purpose.
Love isn’t something that can be manufactured by humans. Even in the heart. It comes straight from God, and can’t truly come from anywhere else. God always acts out of love, even when he punishes us, for His Word says that when we become God’s children, He disciplines us so that we may be corrected and made right; not corrupt. He loves us, and it is for that very reason that we were made. It was because of His love that Christ came and died for us, just as John 3:16 says.
In light of all this, are you acting out of love? Do you care for your friends and family out of God’s love for you and for them?
Do all things out of love. Out of God’s love for you, and for others. And that includes EVERYONE.
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01/25/2012 When Life Crashes
When life is a tidal wave, when it rips and roars in front of your eyes, even bringing you under as it breaks, God will be there. When there is trouble, and the turbulent seas threaten to take you down, God will come calling and pick you up again.
He never promised that he would keep us from trouble, or conflict; instead he says in James1:2-4, “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, not lacking in anything. “
When the waves come, the world watches with giant eyes, ready to see us trip and fall, get mad at God, and turn our backs. Rather, we should grab God’s hand when he offers it, and hold more tightly to him because of it, putting our shame to rest.
When we get backstabbed, hurt by our friends, and consumed by ourselves, there’s always light on the other side. God wants to create in us a more courageous spirit, a fit and healthy heart. That way, when the next wave comes, we will have the strength to stand, though we may get hurt in the process. When we hold tightly to Jesus, he won’t ever let us go. 2 Timothy 2:13 says “If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny who he is.”
So never worry when you fall and are caught in the undertow of life; God is there. He always will be. He is ready for you to come to him when you get beat up and broken. In fact, he longs to heal your wounds. So come to him, and you will never be disappointed when life gets tough. Know that he has a plan, just like he says in Romans:8:28 “All things work together for the good of those who love and serve the Lord.”
When life crashes on top of you, grab hold of Jesus, cause he will never crash, nor let you go.
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